Drive_by.
its been awhile sense i listened to this song...and related.
i did alot of things i regret. do you ever just sit there and think back and remember exactly where you went wrong. the text message you never should have sent. the question you never should have asked. picture you never should have sent. but then i remember what comes of all my stupid mistakes...lessons. i keep learning. i keep figuring out what NOT to do, even though i know...somtimes you should have to do it and get caught and learn the hard way. I think that is the best way to learn. i have felt both sides, but i'm not so sure which is worse. it needed to happen though. i needed to end things. i needed to figure out what it would be like...and i did. and i remembered why it happened in the first place. why we didn't work out. why just were not meant to be together. i don't understand why i have this horrible habit of holding on to the past...and ask "what if". there is no point in asking because it is what it is and that's it. what i did haunts the relationship we will ever share; even a friendship. i guess i just liked being missed, esp. by the person who doesnt miss anyone. who doesnt want to be missed? everyone does. who doesnt want to be cared about and wonder if its true when they say they never stopped///but now is a time of someone new. new lessons. new love. new hope. new life. and even new regret. people make this game seem so easy. but my feelings just get too involved to not care about how i am effecting someone else. i guess i just want this to be easy; but who said easy ever works? it didnt the last time. can things really work out the second time? for anything? i always hear to not live in the past but isn't that who you are? doesn't that shape you now? you can't ignore it, because you have to learn from your mistakes. if you didn't think about the past then you would just keep making them. different time=different situations i know...but the past is a vital part in the present...just don't let it ruin. don't let it get in your way of being happy. not everyone is the same. not every situation is the same...unless you repeat your mistakes. then you are crazy.
there are alot of things i would change about myself that i do not find it required to admit. do people really think i don't know what i do wrong? do they really think that saying them is going to fix them? no...i have to do it on my own. i try so hard. no one knows that but me...which is really all that matters. i don't need anymore critisism than i give myself. i'm my hardest critique. people don't see it, because i think it would only make me feel worse if i said it out loud. i can't even say it out loud to myself...much less living judgement. i have people figured out. no one cares about other people's problems more than their own. i guess i just deal with mine///alone. while other people just put it on other people to deal with. i have my own issues and problems so it becomes overwhelming when people are expecting me to change mine and help them with theirs. idk. i guess its just a balance i will have to master...but it does get hard sometimes. i love helping people but when people are pressuring me to face my problems and pushing them at me...i feel the force and i feel like i'm stuck in all the negativity in the world and truth is...it makes me so unhappy. i think we as a whole need to work on emphasising people's strengths...i need to work on this. i am very aware....like i said. i know what i need. do you? idk...this is just my opinion and this changes with different people and different situations...but its hard to make everyone else happy when i'm not even happy with myself. stop being hyprocrates and maybe deal with your own shit and stop making urself feel better by pointing out mine!!!!!! i have had a fucking enough!
done done done.
i did alot of things i regret. do you ever just sit there and think back and remember exactly where you went wrong. the text message you never should have sent. the question you never should have asked. picture you never should have sent. but then i remember what comes of all my stupid mistakes...lessons. i keep learning. i keep figuring out what NOT to do, even though i know...somtimes you should have to do it and get caught and learn the hard way. I think that is the best way to learn. i have felt both sides, but i'm not so sure which is worse. it needed to happen though. i needed to end things. i needed to figure out what it would be like...and i did. and i remembered why it happened in the first place. why we didn't work out. why just were not meant to be together. i don't understand why i have this horrible habit of holding on to the past...and ask "what if". there is no point in asking because it is what it is and that's it. what i did haunts the relationship we will ever share; even a friendship. i guess i just liked being missed, esp. by the person who doesnt miss anyone. who doesnt want to be missed? everyone does. who doesnt want to be cared about and wonder if its true when they say they never stopped///but now is a time of someone new. new lessons. new love. new hope. new life. and even new regret. people make this game seem so easy. but my feelings just get too involved to not care about how i am effecting someone else. i guess i just want this to be easy; but who said easy ever works? it didnt the last time. can things really work out the second time? for anything? i always hear to not live in the past but isn't that who you are? doesn't that shape you now? you can't ignore it, because you have to learn from your mistakes. if you didn't think about the past then you would just keep making them. different time=different situations i know...but the past is a vital part in the present...just don't let it ruin. don't let it get in your way of being happy. not everyone is the same. not every situation is the same...unless you repeat your mistakes. then you are crazy.
there are alot of things i would change about myself that i do not find it required to admit. do people really think i don't know what i do wrong? do they really think that saying them is going to fix them? no...i have to do it on my own. i try so hard. no one knows that but me...which is really all that matters. i don't need anymore critisism than i give myself. i'm my hardest critique. people don't see it, because i think it would only make me feel worse if i said it out loud. i can't even say it out loud to myself...much less living judgement. i have people figured out. no one cares about other people's problems more than their own. i guess i just deal with mine///alone. while other people just put it on other people to deal with. i have my own issues and problems so it becomes overwhelming when people are expecting me to change mine and help them with theirs. idk. i guess its just a balance i will have to master...but it does get hard sometimes. i love helping people but when people are pressuring me to face my problems and pushing them at me...i feel the force and i feel like i'm stuck in all the negativity in the world and truth is...it makes me so unhappy. i think we as a whole need to work on emphasising people's strengths...i need to work on this. i am very aware....like i said. i know what i need. do you? idk...this is just my opinion and this changes with different people and different situations...but its hard to make everyone else happy when i'm not even happy with myself. stop being hyprocrates and maybe deal with your own shit and stop making urself feel better by pointing out mine!!!!!! i have had a fucking enough!
done done done.